Would You Rather: Give 1 Person 20 Chances or Give 20 People 1 Chance?

In this day in age relationships are tested more than ever due to the accessibility of others thanks to social media. Being more susceptible to temptation at the ease of sliding in the DM’s of someone you always retweet on Twitter or like their pictures via Instagram, it’s harder to be faithful now than ever before. Say for instance you mess up. You want another shot? Or would you understand if your partner wants nothing to do with you? Let’s try the shoe on the other foot. Your significant other messes up do you give them another chance or are you one and done? Of course your answer can be circumstantial but we want your opinion on whether you would rather give one person 20 chances or give 20 people one chance. Let’s discuss in the comments. But first, here’s what the duo had to say:

India:

In a perfect world I would rather give one person one chance and they make the best of it and we live happily ever after but yeah nah this world and generation we live in is FAR from perfect. So if I had to choose I would probably decide to give one person 20 chances. I know it might sound stupid or naive but hear me out before you judge…

Personally, I get attached to people fast. Self diagnosed myself with attachment issues. I know I’m not the only one! For me to let someone go I care about is hard af no matter what they did to me. I can physically cut them off but mentally it takes a while to get over the situation. Therefore I’m more willing to look for the good in a person and give them chances that I know they don’t deserve. That’s just who I am. I’ve never been a forward type person to wipe my hands with someone on the first mistake. I’m not saying that I’ll literally let someone do wrong by me 20 times…that’s tew much but if I care for you I’ll understand that people need time to get their shit together.

What if you did somebody wrong and needed them to forgive you? Wouldn’t you want a second chance to prove yourself? Of course there’s a breaking point where it eventually it gets old. After being given multiple chances and the person is still on some other shit then they clearly aren’t the one for you. You can hang that up. On the flip side tho, if you show that you care about this person enough to stick in through the rough times it’ll show that you’re down for them and saw the potential in who they could be. I think they’ll respect that you didn’t give up on them.

Now you don’t just go around giving everybody second chances. If you don’t see any potential or your relationship furthering then don’t even waste your time. In some cases it just isn’t meant to be. Then there are other times when you hold onto hope that maybe your efforts won’t go unnoticed.

However, there is a breaking point. Once you cross the line or use up your last chance…that’s it. I’m done with you. When I decide that I am over your antics you will know it. Not even verbally but through my actions. It may take time but I’ll get past it. The switch up and fall back game is a serious skill to hone.

Some might say my choice isn’t smart to keep toxic people in my life but why in the world would you let 20 people get the opportunity to do you wrong!? As I said before, I have attachment issues so I would still be harboring those ill feelings or trying to figure out where we went wrong in the process. Even if you don’t get attached you’re lying if you say multiple people getting over on you won’t mess you up inside.

Allowing 20 people play me, do me dirty, be grimy, scam etc. would make me lose all hope in ever finding someone genuine. When lucky number 21 comes along and happens to be everything you ever dreamed of…congratulations you played yourself cuz guess what? You’re damaged goods. Most likely going to ruin it by already making it up in your mind that they are the same as the prior 20. Yes, everyone is different but when you have tried multiple people and get the same outcome what type of self reaction do you expect?

Keyshia Dior didn’t get wifed by Gucci Mane giving him only one chance. Vanessa Bryant didn’t get wifed by Kobe giving him one chance. Gabrielle Union didn’t get wifed by giving D. Wade only one chance. I’m saying this to say these people saw potential and invested their energy into working together to make the situation worth it in the end.

Everybody doesn’t deserve the chance to say that they got to know you. Especially 20 ain’t shit ass individuals. You cannot put your energy into every one…eventually you are going to get worn out BUT if you can find that one that’s worth fighting for then by all means give them another chance.

Janae:

When it comes to love and relationships I’ve always believed that everyone deserves a second chance. Depending on the guy and our connection, I may even consider a third chance. But 20? Hell nah!

I am aware that relationships aren’t perfect and people make mistakes, but a man doesn’t deserve multiple chances if he continues to make the same or even worst mistakes. Men will only do what you allow. If your man does you wrong time and time again, and you play mad for a week but take him back every single time, he will continue to do as he pleases because he knows you will eventually forgive him. Doesn’t it hurt more to know that the one man you truly love treats you like you like you mean nothing to him?

Sometimes, you need to let him know that you’re not afraid to let him go. I feel that if my significant other repeatedly does things to jeopardize our relationship that he does not truly value me or what we have.

With that being said, I wouldn’t mind giving multiple guys one chance. In my book, this is considered dating. The purpose of dating is to get to know people, have fun, and see what you like and don’t like. There are no strings attached. I’d rather be able to weed out the bad apples before I actually develop true feelings and get in too deep.

I think being committed to one person who continuously hurts you, is much more painful to deal with than testing the waters and being temporarily disappointed by a few different people. And although it may not work out with those people, at least you’re not stuck in a bad situation where you’ve already invested so much time and energy. 

Eventually, you will meet someone that you like and decide to take it to the next level. I’m not saying that you should just up and leave anytime your significant other does something wrong. That is unrealistic. But, know your worth and don’t settle. Have respect for yourself and never let a man continue to walk all over you. And just because you let someone go after he or she does you dirty, does not mean that you two will never rekindle in the future. I  just personally do not believe in giving hella chances just because in that very moment I am head over heels for a guy. Leave his ass, and if he wants you bad enough, he will get his sh*t together.

Moral of the story: You may have to kiss a few frogs before finding your prince charming.

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